Wellness

Need a little humor? Stop by. Wellness involves the whole person: the body, mind, and spirit. We must strive to have a balance in all three areas. We should periodically examine our lives to make sure that we improve and maintain our emotional, as well as physical and spiritual wellness.

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TRUST

Humor Time

Out of the Mouth of Babes     —     An honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class. “How did that happen? “gasped her mother. “It wasn’t easy,” admitted the young lady, “but three girls helped me catch him.”

Have Faith My Child     —       A nun who works for a local home health care agency was out making her rounds when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it there was a station just down the street. She walked to the station to borrow a can with enough gas to start the car and drive to the station for a fill up.

The attendant regretfully told her that the only can he owned had just been loaned out, but if she would care to wait he was sure it would be back shortly.

Since the nun was on the way to see a patient she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. After looking through her car for something to carry to the station to fill with gas, she spotted a bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, she carried it to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried it back to her car.

As she was pouring the gas into the tank of her car two men walked by. One of them turned to the other and said: “Now that is what I call faith!”

Seating Arrangements    Where will you be seated in eternity? Smoking or non-smoking?

Why Did We Move?   —   What reason did Adam give his children when they asked why they no longer lived in Eden?

ANS:  Your mother ate us out of house and home. blog 15

 

 

 

Follow Up: Smile challenge

The Do Better challenge for Feb. was to simply smile more.  I shared two ways to accomplish this goal in February’s blog. My goal A: I wrote the word “smile” on an index card and put it on my bathroom mirror.  I also made positive declarations whenever I smiled.  My goal B: I smiled at a complete stranger at least once a day for 14 days.

Goal A: My declarations included the following:

  • Girl you are beautiful!
  • This is the day that the Lord has made.  I will rejoice and be glad in it!
  • I am victorious!
  • God is good and He loves me!

I now feel good on the inside as I look in the mirror, smile, and make declarations.  I feel better about myself.  I don’t dread looking in the mirror.  This goal is a keeper. 🙂

Goal B: This goal was interesting. There were those who gave me a big smile back.  There were those who wouldn’t even look in my direction when I passed them.  There were some who didn’t smile back.

I don’t know if anyone enjoyed my smiles, but I enjoyed giving them.  This goal is also a keeper. 🙂

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TRUST trust

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we will remember and trust in the name of the LORD our God. Psalm 20:7 Amplified Bible (AMP)

“Waiting for Me to work, with your eyes on Me, is evidence that you really do trust Me.”  –Sarah Young

‘Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus    (Hope this video blesses you.)

We all know the phrase: How you doing?  My question to you is: Who you trusting?  Or  What are you trusting in? Many people trust in that pay check, their pension plan and/or life savings. We trust that when we sit down in a chair, it will hold our weight.  We trust that when we get in the car and turn the switch, it will start.  We trust that when we wake up in the morning, we’ll be able to get out of bed. We trust that when we eat in that restaurant, we won’t get food poisoning.  We trust that our loved ones will always tell us the truth. We trust that our spouse will be faithful.  We trust that when we go to the ATM, our money will be there.

There is only one person we can trust who well never fail us – Jesus Christ.

There are countless benefits of trusting in Jesus.  Eternal life, rest, joy, peace, protection and provision are just are few of those benefits.  He won’t leave us, nor forget about us. He always keeps His promises. He always provides.

We read in Jeremiah 17:7-8 Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the LORD is.

 For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit.  King James Version (KJV)

I can’t speak for you, but I want every benefit that is available to me.  Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus!

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The Do Better Challenge (if you choose)

Got Yogurt?    Yogurt has many benefits.

  • It’s easier to digest than milk.
  • It may contribute  to colon health.
  • It’s a rich source of calcium.
  • It may boost immunity.
  • It’s an excellent source of protein.
  • It may help lower cholesterol.
  • It can decrease yeast infections.
  • It may help prevent high blood pressure.

Not all yogurt is created equal, so know what you’re buying.  The levels of calories, calcium, sugar, fat, vitamin D and protein will vary.  Look for the words “live and active cultures” on the container.

Thanks so much for stopping by, taking the time to view the video and read all the nuggets.

Bye for now.

 

Resources

http://www.inspire21.com/stories/humorstories/CantArgueWithKids

http://jokes.christiansunite.com/Faith/Out_Of_Gas.shtml

http://www.jokesclean.com/ChristianJokes/HolyOneLiners.php

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+20%3A7&version=AMP

http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/trusting-god

http://www.lovethispic.com/uploaded_images/24483-The-Best-Proof-Of-Love-Is-Trust.jpg

Smile!

One day while watching Pastor Steven Furtick on TBN, he said, “If you’re happy and you know it – tell your face.” I thought what he said was so funny and so true that I decided to sing about it. This blog is dedicated to those of us who need to smile more. Take the challenge!

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It can be done

new-year

Humor time

  • Remember you can reset your resolutions on January 14th (Orthodox New Year) and February 8th (Chinese New Year). After that, even I can’t help you.

  • My 2017 resolution is for everyone else to gain the 50 pounds I refuse to lose.

  • I have only one resolution. To rediscover the difference between wants and needs. May I have all I need and want all  I have.

  • This New Year’s I’m going to make a resolution I can keep: no dieting all year long.

  • May all your troubles last as long as your New Year resolutions.

Jemima was taking an afternoon nap on New Year’s Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, ‘I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year’s present. What do you think it all means?’
‘Aha, you’ll know tonight,’ answered Max smiling broadly.
At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Max approached Jemima and handed her small package. Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: ‘The meaning of dreams’.

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It Couldn’t Be Done             (This is one of my favorite poems.)
Somebody said that it couldn’t be done
      But he with a chuckle replied
That “maybe it couldn’t,” but he would be one
      Who wouldn’t say so till he’d tried.
So he buckled right in with the trace of a grin
      On his face. If he worried he hid it.
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
      That couldn’t be done, and he did it!
For the entire poem visit: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/44314
Hope you enjoy the video.  🙂 Don’t let my face scare you. 🙂
 Adapted from the works of Edgar Albert Guest and Dr. Mattie Moss Clark.


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I stepped away from my blog for a while, but now I’m back.  I didn’t mean to stay away so long.  I felt neither motivated nor inspired nor encouraged.  The next thing I knew Dec. 2016 had arrived and I had posted nothing since February.  I had received emails during the past few months, letting me know that people were still following my blog. That news encouraged me, but it was God who gave me that final push.  I can’t say exactly what He did, but He did it – on the inside of me. 

My job situation hasn’t changed (for more of my story, you’ll need to read previous blogs).  I’m still working in retail, just a few hours a week.  I’m still waiting on that full time job or several streams of income that equals a full time job.  I should be on cocaine, an alcoholic, or suicidal – but God!  He has kept my mind.  I’m still praising Him.  All of my needs are constantly being met.  I’m not homeless.  I’m not broke.  I’m not depressed.  I haven’t had to beg, borrow, or steal.  I’m not bragging on me; I’m bragging on God.  I’m learning how to patiently wait on Him and to continue with my projects while I’m waiting and praising Him.

My New Year’s resolution is to keep going, keep trying, even when I don’t feel like it. Write when I don’t feel like it.  Make videos, sing my songs, and continue with my radio broadcasts – even when I don’t feel like it.   Yep, that’s the plan.

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You can – – Do Better!

One of my quests is to encourage people (myself included) to do better (mentally, spiritually, and physically).  Do better today than you did yesterday.  Do better this week than you did last week.  Do better this month than you did last month.  Do better in 2017 than you did in 2016.

In order to do better, we must set some goals.  I want to explore goal setting.  Stay with me because it’s going to lead to a challenge, but it may take a few blogs to get there.

Research shows that if you’re going to be successful at almost anything in life, the very first choice to make is to set some goals.  When we set goals we must realize that it may not be a walk in the park.  There are things we are going to have to start doing and things we are going to have to stop doing or do less of, if we’re striving to be fit for God’s use (in every area of our lives) until we die. 

Hebrews 12:1 & 2 reads, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.”

This verse tells us that we are to run a race that has been marked out for us.  We trust God to set the race up but we must also recognize that we have a part to play in order to cooperate with His plan.  In order to run the race, we have to endure some training.  We have to set some goals.

  • Let’s look at some benefits of goal setting.

Goal setting is a spiritual discipline.  God is a goal setting God.  He has goals for history that have not happened yet. God has goals for His family, the church, that haven’t happened yet. God has goals for your life that have not happened yet. God is a planner.  He doesn’t just sit around and let things happen.  If God plans and God wants us to be like him, then it would make sense that He wants us to set goals also.

Godly goals are statements of faith. They affirm our trust in God. When you say, I believe God wants me to accomplish this by this date, that’s a statement in faith.

Goal setting builds character.  One of the ways you develop character is by setting a goal and going after it and not giving in when you have all kinds of difficulties. It is in that process, that struggle, you develop the kind of character that God wants you to have.  Goals are achieved with God’s power.

“We plan the way we want to live, but only God makes us able to live it.”Prov. 16:9 That’s why we fail at our goals. We don’t depend on him. 

Zechariah 4:6 says, “You will not succeed by your own strength or power, but by my Spirit says the Lord.” 

Prov. 3:5& 6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths.”

First you’ve got to trust the Lord with all your heart and rely on His power.  Then you need to get either a partner or in a small group.  Accountability plays an important role goal setting.  You check up on each other and help each other out.

The goals that you set should be “SMART” goals.  Ask yourself: if this goal is:

  • Specific– is it clear what the goal is? Is it clear exactly what I mean?

  • Measurable– how will I know if I have achieved the goal? How will I measure my success?

  • Attainable– is it possible to achieve this objective? What do I need in place to make it attainable?

  • Relevant– is this objective one that I consider appropriate. Does it deliver wider priorities? Is it worth doing?

  • Time-bounded– by when am I going to achieve this? Setting a timescale provides focus and urgency, clarifying when you intend to achieve the objective. The objective has a deadline and is therefore more than just a wish!

You may have some setbacks. You may fall down. But the good news is: life is a marathon. Here’s the key to the marathon of life: You’re not in a race to run fast. You’re in a race to end well. You’re in a race to get to the finish line. You make progress one step at a time. That’s the way you go towards your goals – one step, one day at a time. 

 It can be done!  You can do better. I’ll share more about this subject in the next blog.

What are your goals for 2017?  How’s it going so far?  Feel free to share with us.

 

Thanks for stopping by!  great-day-face

 

Sources:

https://clipartfest.com/download/5bb6ef60a4fcffd96195bbe256229babea17e618.html

http://www.jokes4us.com/holidayjokes/newyearsjokes.html

http://www.theholidayspot.com/newyear/jokes.htm#WDyqsMqHQmTQ0sIO.99

https://www.valentinesdaywishes.org/happy-new-year-poems-jokes-shayari-memes-fireworks-images-photos-2017.html

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/44314

New International Version (NIV)    https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Hebrews%2012

 

 

Half empty or Half full?

A little birthday humor 

  • Q: How can you tell that you’re getting old? A: You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!

  • After much convincing from my husband, I finally agreed to call an old family friend to sing her happy birthday.  It was only after I finished singing, that the voice at the other end of the line informed me, that it was the wrong number. “Oh I’m so sorry” I said, embarrassed.  “It’s okay” the voice said, “you can use all of the practice you can get!”

  • You know you’re getting old when you walk up the stairs and call it exercise. Happy Birthday!

  • Have a great time on your birthday, and don’t worry about getting old.  That happened years ago.

Three Old Sisters

There were 3 sisters living together 92, 94 and 95 yrs. old. The oldest went upstairs one evening to take a bath. As she was getting in the tub with one foot in and one foot out, she called down to her sisters, “Am I getting in the tub or am I getting out of the tub?”

The 94 yr. old decided to go upstairs to see if she could help figure out the situation. She got to the 3rd step and stopped – then called out, “Was I going up the stairs or was I coming down the stairs?”

The 92 yr. old, sitting at the kitchen table, thought she better knock on wood and as she knocked on the kitchen table she said, “I hope I never get as bad as my sisters. Now was that the front door or the back door?”

Birthday humor time is dedicated to my oldest sister, Pastor Charlotte “Happy” Bryant, who celebrated her 70th birthday yesterday.

water 2

Do you view your birthday as half full or half empty?

If you have read my previous posts, you know that I have not always been the most positive person.  My history includes low self-esteem, depression and suicidal thoughts.  God has helped me over the years and my positive days now outweigh my negative days.  I try to be more grateful and thankful each day.  I also laugh more.  My prayer was: “Lord, for the rest of my life, help me to see the glass half full each day and not half empty.”

I have never known anyone like Pastor Bryant.  I marvel at the wisdom God gives her.  One day while talking on the phone with her, I shared my desire to always see the glass half full.  I have been kind of down because I still have not found a full time job.  I’m still working 6 – 12 hours a week in retail, making minimum wage. That’s enough to make anyone depressed (if you’re viewing the glass as half empty).

It seems like this season in my life has been going on a long, long, long, time and is never going to end.  Ecclesiastes tells us that seasons must come to an end, but God left out the “how long” part.

Ecclesiastes 3   To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

When I look at the glass as half full: No utilities have been turned off; I’m still driving my 2014 car with insurance; I haven’t lost any weight due to lack of food; I’m not getting phone calls from bill collectors; I haven’t filed for bankruptcy.  Those are all miracles. God has been faithful.

In response to my statement about wanting to see the glass as half full, Pastor Bryant said, “Well I choose to see the glass as full.”  Now why did she have to say that?  She had just burst my balloon and raised the bar.  I thought I was doing a great job seeing the glass as half full instead of half empty but she had to throw in the “full” picture glass vision.  That is one of the many, many examples of how God gives her wisdom to share with others and to help us grow.  I must admit that my faith is not yet at the level of seeing a half full glass of water as a full glass of water, water 3 but I’m working on it.  Thanks to God and my big Sis, I believe I’ll accomplish that faith goal.

Now without faith it is impossible to please God, for the one who draws near to Him must believe that He exists and rewards those who seek Him.        Hebrews 11:6

Food for thought: According to Romans 4:17  “(As it is written, I have made thee a father of many nations,) before him whom he believed, even God, who quickeneth the dead, and calleth those things which be not as though they were.”  

 If God called things into existence, why can’t I call a half full glass of water  – full?

The words to the hymn “It is will with my soul” were written by Horatio G. Spafford in 1828.  He had a successful legal practice in Chicago.  He invested heavily in real estate and his holdings were wiped out, as a result of the Chicago Fire of 1871.  Just before this, he had experienced the death of his son.  He wanted to get away for a rest, so he planned a trip for his family.

Spafford had an unexpected last minute business development right before they were to leave, so he stayed in Chicago but sent his wife and four daughters on ahead on the ship.  He was going to follow a few days later.  The ship that his wife and daughters were on, sank.  His four daughters drowned, but his wife survived.  In his grief, he wrote the words to this hymn and was still able to say, “It is well with my soul.”  He had many reasons to see the glass as half empty but I believe he chose to see it as half full.

To view this video, click on the link beside my picture.  I hope it blesses you.

Sing like God is the only one listening.  It’s okay if you get off key, don’t do any “runs” or forget the words.  You’ll get no negative comments from Him.  Just sing from your heart. -Annette M. Harris

What do you do when life hands you a bag of lemons?  You make  lemon waterlemon water.

Lemons contain many nutrients, including vitamin C, B-complex vitamins, calcium, iron, magnesium, potassium, and fiber.

Lemon water may:

  • Give your immune system a boost.

  • Aid digestion.

  • Cleanse your system.

  • Alkalize your body.

  • Help fight viral infections.

  • Reduce inflammation.

  • Keep your skin blemish free.

  • Give you an energy boost.

  • Help you lose weight.

  • Freshen your breath.

One doctor recommends starting the day with the juice of ¼ to ½ of a lemon, and filling the rest of the glass with warm water.  You can dilute the lemon juice more, depending on your personal taste.  During the rest of the day, you can sip lemon water at a cooler temperature, if you prefer it. This will keep you hydrated, and it may also help quench your thirst for unhealthy drinks that contain too much sugar and too many calories.

Remember: we are not making lemonade, we’re making lemon water.

I like to drink a warm glass of lemon water with 1/2 tsp of cinnamon and 1/2 tsp of ginger.  It gives me a morning boost.  I like to think of it as a detoxification drink.

I believe that we have the power to contribute to the healing of our bodies by adapting what we consume every day.  Drinking lemon water is one of the little things that we can do on a regular basis that can have long term benefits.

We’re so used to instant gratification in almost everything we do, so when it comes to healthy diets and exercise, we can easily get discouraged if we don’t see results in a few days.  As with any new addition to your diet, give it a minimum of two weeks to see what positive benefits you can get.

I highly recommend that you do your own research on drinking lemon water. Then choose at least one benefit that will motivate you to start incorporating it into your daily life.

Commit to 14 days of drinking lemon water. Write down how you feel on day 1, then on day 14.  Share your experience in the comment section of this post or with someone else.

Bye for now.  Thanks for visiting!  laughing face

 

 

 

Sources

 

http://www.funny-jokes-quotes-sayings.com/funny-birthday-wishes.html

http://jokes.christiansunite.com/Old_Folks/Three_Old_Sisters.shtml

Ecclesiastes 3King James Version (KJV)

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ecclesiastes+3&version=KJV

Holman Christian Standard Bible                 http://biblehub.com/hebrews/11-6.htm

https://www.kingjamesbibleonline.org/Romans-4-17/        King James Version (KJV)

Osbeck, K. W. (1982). 101 Hymn Stories. Grand Rapids, MT: Kregel Publications

http://news.health.com/2015/02/24/why-you-should-start-your-day-with-lemon-water/

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/12/the-2-week-lemon-water-challenge/

http://www.jokes4us.com/holidayjokes/birthdayjokes.

htmlhttp://www.greatcleanjokes.com/jokes/life-jokes/birthday-jokes/

Retirement Wishes

 

 

 

Joy to the World

Welcome to the buffet table.  I couldn’t let 2015 end without posting a blog.  I’m thankful, thankful, thankful.  We have a few more days left in this year.  Many changes can take place before then.  Things can get worse.  Things can get better.  Either way, I’m thankful.  I believe that they will get better.  God has been good to me.  I know that His love for me will never change.

I don’t have a lot to say, but I have several things I want to share.  Enjoy!

Joy to the world, the Lord has come! To view video, click on the link beside my picture.

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‘Twas The Night Before Jesus Came’

written by Unknown Author

‘Twas the night before Jesus came and all through the house
Not a creature was praying, not one in the house.
Their Bibles were lain on the shelf without care
In hopes that Jesus would not come there.

The children were dressing to crawl into bed.
Not once ever kneeling or bowing a head.
And Mom in her rocker with baby on her lap
Was watching the Late Show while I took a nap.

When out of the East there arose such a clatter.
I sprang to my feet to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash!

When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But angels proclaiming that Jesus was here.
With a light like the sun sending forth a bright ray
I knew in a moment this must be THE DAY!

The light of His face made me cover my head
It was Jesus! returning just like He had said.
And though I possessed worldly wisdom and wealth,
I cried when I saw Him in spite of myself.

In the Book of Life which He held in His hand
Was written the name of every saved man.
He spoke not a word as He searched for my name;
When He said “it’s not here” my head hung in shame.

The people whose names had been written with love
He gathered to take to His Father above.
With those who were ready He rose without a sound.
While all the rest were left standing around.

I fell to my knees, but it was too late;
I had waited too long and thus sealed my fate.
I stood and I cried as they rose out of sight;
Oh, if only I had been ready tonight.

In the words of this poem the meaning is clear;
The coming of Jesus is drawing near.
There’s only one life and when comes the last call
We’ll find that the Bible was true after all!

http://www.btmi.org/Christmas/twas.html

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collards2Gotta love those collard greens  

 

collards

Collard greens pack in lots of nutrients for a little amount of calories. If you are trying to eat healthier, cruciferous vegetables (collard greens, kale, broccoli, Brussel sprouts, cabbage, rutabaga and turnips) should be on your grocery list. Studies have shown and continue to show that increasing consumption of plant foods like collard greens may help decrease the risk of several diseases, promote a healthy complexion and hair, and increase energy.  Collard greens are high in both fiber and water content, which may help to prevent constipation and promote reqularity.

Collard greens hit peak season January through April. They can be enjoyed raw or cooked.  You don’t want to cook them to death because you’ll kill all of the nutrients and will be eating dead food.  Your collards shouldn’t look like baby food after you’ve cooked them.

Here are some ways to include them in your diet.

  • Collard green chips: Remove the ribs from the collard greens and toss in extra-virgin olive oil or lightly spray and sprinkle with your choice or a combination of cumin, curry powder, chili powder, roasted red pepper flakes or garlic powder. Bake at 275 degrees F for 15-30 minutes to desired crispness.
  • Sauté: Try sautéing fresh garlic and onions in extra-virgin olive oil until soft then add collard greens and continue to sauté until desired tenderness. Add black-eyed peas and brown rice instead of ham hock or salt pork.
  • Smoothies: Add a handful of collard greens to your favorite smoothie.
  • Salsa: Combine cooked collard greens with fresh tomatoes,

    onions and jalapenos and use the mixture as a nutritious salsa.

Resources

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/277957.php

http://juicing-for-health.com/basic-nutrition/healing-vegetables/health-benefits-of-collards.html

 

I’m sure that by now you just can’t wait to experiment with some collard greens!  I’d like to see people add more raw or lightly steamed veggies in their diets.  Try this and let me know what you think. You can also share with us one of  your favorite collard green recipes.

Marinated Collard Greens

¼ cup apple cider vinegar
¼ cup chopped sun-dried tomatoes
¼ cup chopped scallions, white parts only
1 garlic clove, minced
1 teaspoon red pepper flakes
2 teaspoon sea salt, divided
½ teaspoon black pepper
1 bunch collard greens, washed
1/8 cup olive oil

In a large bowl, combine apple cider vinegar, sun-dried tomatoes, scallions, garlic, red pepper flakes, 1 teaspoon sea salt and pepper. Set aside. Take several collard leaves and roll into a cylinder the shape of a fat cigar. Using a knife, cut the through the collard cylinder, making strips. Repeat steps two and three until you have cut all the collard leaves. Place strips in a large bowl. Pour olive oil on collard strips and sprinkle the remaining 1 teaspoon of salt. Massage the oil and salt into the strips until all are well coated. Transfer the collard strips to the bowl with the apple cider vinegar marinade. Let marinate in the refrigerator for at least 4 hours, but overnight is best.

Servings: 4

Note: The raw collard greens won’t get as soft as its cooked counterpart. That’s a good thing, cooking your greens gets rid of all the water and nutrients that they provide.

http://thenewrawyou.com/recipes/marinated-collard-greens/

 

Humor Time:

  • Tonight’s sermon: ‘What is hell?’ Come early and listen to our carol practice.
http://www.guy-sports.com/humor/christmas/funny_christmas_religious.htm

Christmas Spirit

It was just before Christmas and the magistrate was in a happy mood. He asked the prisoner who was in the dock, ‘What are you charged with?’

The prisoner replied, ‘Doing my Christmas shopping too early.’

‘That’s no crime’, said the magistrate. ‘Just how early were you doing this shopping?’

‘Before the shop opened’, answered the prisoner.

http://www.guy-sports.com/jokes/christmas_jokes.htm

laughing people

Top Ten Things to Say about a Christmas Gift You Don’t Like

10.    Hey! There’s a gift!
9.      Well, well, well …
8.      Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would’ve fit.
7.      This is perfect for wearing around the basement.
6.      Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires.
5.     If the dog buries it, I’ll be furious!
4.      I love it — but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.
3.      Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.
2.      To think — I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.
And the Number One Thing to say about a Christmas gift you don’t like:
1.    “I really don’t deserve this.”

http://www.you-can-be-funny.com/CleanChristmasJokes.html

 

Until next time, thanks for stopping by.  joy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sing your song

shepherd

 

A Sunday school teacher decided to have her 2nd grade class memorize Psalm 23, one of the most quoted passages in the Bible. She gave the children a month to learn the chapter.

One little boy was excited about the task, but he just couldn’t memorize the Psalm. Although he practiced and practiced, he could hardly get past the first line. The day came for the children to recite Psalm 23 before the congregation. The little boy was nervous. When his turn came, he stepped up to the microphone and proudly said, “The Lord is my Shepherd and that’s all I need to know!”

http://www.jokesclean.com/ChristianJokes/

I shared my story in previous blogs about how in 2013, I lost my job of 11 years and how my 13 year old Mustang was totaled in an accident. I got a brand new 2013 Ford and it turned out to be a lemon in less than a year. The Ford Company finally replaced it with a 2014.  There have been no problems so far. In the midst all of the drama, I decided to go back to college. God blessed me to earn a 4 year degree (B. S. in Health Promotion) in a year and nine months. I had a lot of credits that transferred from previous degrees. 

If someone would have told me that at the seasoned age of 30 +++ laughing happy face with tongue, I would have multiple degrees and yet be working 6 – 14 hours a week in retail making minimum wage, I might would have just run away. This job was a good fit while I was in school but now I need a full time job (or a rich husband laughing face).  I’ve been seeking a full time job, with no success. In the meantime, I try to keep hope alive. Some days are better than others. I know that things could be a lot worse, so I’m thankful for what I do have.

God has been a faithful shepherd. Although I don’t like my situation,  don’t understand it, and it doesn’t feel good, I believe with all my  heart that He loves me. I know that God has a plan for me. This is not the end.  He has provided and continues to provide for me.  Nothing has been cut off, my car has not been repossessed.  My refrigerator has not been empty. Yes, Jesus loves me more than anyone on this planet. This situation hasn’t killed me. I believe that it will make me a stronger, better, and wiser person.

I haven’t blogged in months. I lost my motivation. I couldn’t think of anything to write about.  Today I decided that I needed to sing, so I’m singing my song. Keep in mind that when I encourage you to “sing your song”, I’m talking about the song that is within you. It doesn’t matter who wrote it or who recorded it. Anna B. Warner wrote the words to the hymn, Jesus Loves Me and William B. Bradbury was the composer. It’s my song because it’s within me. Of course I can’t take the credit for writing the text nor composing it, but I can sing it as only I can sing it. I used to wonder why God didn’t give me a voice like Patti LaBelle, opera singer, Jessye Norman, or gospel singer, Yolanda Adams. Now I accept the fact that He gave me the voice that He wanted me to have.

Sing your song!

It doesn’t matter if you’re in tune or out of tune.  My oldest sister, has many gifts, but singing is not one of them. We joke about it. Nevertheless it doesn’t stop her from singing anywhere and anytime.  Sometimes (when the anointing hits) you wouldn’t know that singing was not one of her gifts.  

There are social, emotional and physical benefits to singing. Singing can:

  • Help reduce depression and anger.
  • Encourage creativity.
  • Bring people together.
  • Release endorphins, the brain’s “feel good” chemicals.
  • Increase the amount of oxygen you take into the body as you inhale deeply, producing a feeling of alertness as more oxygen gets to the brain.
  • Improve muscle tone in the face, throat, neck and jaw.
  • Help manage stress.
  • Improve your ability to listen attentively without having to think of responses.
  • Be a form of meditation because it enables you to just “let go.”

I’m gonna sing my song while I live because when I die, no one will be able to sing it for me.

To view my video, those who receive email notifications of new blog posts can click on the link beside my picture.

 

HUMOR TIME

Hymns for People Over 50

  • Give Me the Old Timers Religion
  • Precious Lord, Take My Hand, And Help Me Up
  • Just a Slower Walk with Thee
  • Go Tell It on the Mountain, But Speak Up
  • Nobody Knows the Trouble I Have Seeing
  • Guide Me O Thou Great Lord God, I’ve Forgotten Where I’ve Parked The Car
  • Count Your Many Birthdays, Count Them One By One
  • Blessed Insurance
  • It Is Well With My Soul, But My Knees Hurt

http://www.jokesclean.com/ChristianJokes/

There’s a slimmer person inside me yelling to get out, but I can usually shut her up with ice cream and cake.

ACTUAL Church Bulletin Bloopers:

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine.  Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

“Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale.  It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around   the house.  Don’t forget your husbands.”

“Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.”

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to conflict.

The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.  They need all the help they can get.

Don’t let worry kill you. Let the Church help.

Thursday night will be a potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

http://javacasa.com/humor/church.htm

smiley faceThanks for stopping by.  It’s been therapeutic for me.  Hope it has made you smile.

 

Resources

 

http://www.moresingingplease.com/benefits-of-singing

http://science.howstuffworks.com/life/inside-the-mind/emotions/singing-happy1.htm

http://www.businessballs.com/singing.htm

 

It happened to me.

Andrae Crouch sang these words:  Somebody told me of the joy they had.  Somebody told me that in sorrow they could be glad.  Then they told me, once they were bound but now set free.  But I didn’t think it could be until it happened to me. 
My oldest sister, Pastor Charlotte Bryant has shown me the joy that she has over the years.  She has shown me that in sorrow she can be glad.  I know stories of when she was bound and then set free.  But I STILL didn’t think it could be – until it happened to me. 
To be honest, I didn’t want to believe it could happen to me.  I didn’t want to change.  I wanted to continue being depressed.  I wanted to keep singing songs like What Do the Lonely Do at Christmas?Nobody Knows the trouble I’ve seen, and Trouble in my way, I have to cry sometimes – I lay awake at night but that’s alright- Jesus will fix it after while.  I didn’t want to sing songs like: I’m an Overcomer, Victory is Mine, and Joy bells Keep Ringing in My Soul.
Slowly but surely, it has happened to me.  I’m not singing those negative songs anymore.  When I hear them being sung, I will make up words to replace them.  Everyone in life will experience trouble.  1Peter 4:12, 13 clearly says, “Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you: But rejoice, inasmuch as you are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, you may be glad also with exceeding joy.”  Trouble will come.  It’s up to me how I react to it. 
I won’t say that I am the most joyful person in the world.  I won’t say that I never get sad and depressed.  I will say that those bouts don’t happen often.  When they do happen and I examine myself, I find that I have not been praying, praising god and reading the Word like I should. 
I challenge you.  Don’t meditate on the negative, don’t sing the negative. Don’t declare the negative: Oh, I’m having a bad day, I have the worst luck, Nothing good ever happens to me, I don’t feel like thinking happy thoughts.  Don’t claim the negative:  my arthritis, my bad back, my lazy husband, my ugly self, my broke self. Look at the glass as half full and not half empty.  Praise God.  Meditate on the Word of God.  Invest in some laughter DVDs or books.  Do your part and God will do the rest.  Then you can share with others how, IT HAPPENED TO YOU.
To view my video, those who receive email notifications of new blog posts can click on the link beside my picture.

 

Word to meditate on:        
Fear thou not, for I am with thee; be not dismayed, for I am thy God. I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of My righteousness. Isaiah 41:10 
You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you: because he trusts in you.  Isaiah 26:3
A merry heart does good like a medicine: but a broken spirit dries the bones. Proverbs 17

HUMOR TIME

God is Like a TV Commercial
Then there’s the Sunday School teacher who had her 5th grade class watch commercials to see if they could use them to come up with ways to communicate truths about God. Here’s what they said:
God is like.
Allstate: You’re in good hands.
Alka-Seltzer: Try him, you’ll like Him
Tide: He gets the stains out that others leave behind.
Sears: He has everything.
A Ford: He’s got a better idea.
Hallmark Cards: He cared enough to send the very best.
Bayer Asprin: He works miracles.
Delta: He’s ready when you are.
Alberto Vo-5: He holds through all kinds of weather.
Coke: He’s the real thing.
The US Post Office: Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet, nor hail will keep Him from His appointed rounds.
Scotch Tape: You can’t see Him, but you know He’s there.
Dial Soap: Aren’t you glad you’ve got Him? Don’t you wish everybody did?
General Electric: He brings good things to life.
Charity Begins at Church
After the church service, seven year old Brian said to the preacher: ‘When I grow up, I’m going to give you some money.’
‘Well, thank you, ‘the preacher replied, ‘but why?’
‘Because my daddy says that you’re one of the poorest preachers we’ve ever had.’
 Going Down!!
As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, “Anyone here know how to pray?” One man stepped forward. “Aye, Captain, I know how to pray.” “Good,” said the captain, “you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets – we’re one short.”
Get moving.bicycle
Regular physical activity is one of the most important things you can do for your health.  People who are physically active tend to live longer and have lower risk for heart disease, stroke, type 2 diabetes, depression, and some cancers.  Physical activity can help control weight, strengthen bones and muscles, and if you’re an older adult, improve your ability to do daily activities and prevent falls.  In December 2010, the Department of Health and Human Services launched Healthy People 2020, which has four overarching goals:
  • Attain high-quality, longer lives free of preventable disease, disability, injury, and premature death;
  • Achieve health equity, eliminate disparities, and improve the health of all groups;
  • Create social and physical environments that promote good health for all; and
  • Promote quality of life, healthy development, and healthy behaviors across all life stages.
Healthy People 2020 tracks approximately 1,200 objectives organized into 42 topic areas, each of which represents an important public health area.  Increasing physical activity is one of the objectives.  Specific goals for physical activity are:
Here are 8 more reasons to get moving:       
  1. To reduce tension and enable you to handle stress more effectively
  2. To help prevent constipation
  3. To improve your sleep
  4. To relieve arthritis
  5. To improve your posture and general appearance
  6. To improve your circulation
  7. To have more energy to praise the Lord in dancing
I get moving because I want to have flexibility and to strengthen my bones and muscles.
 What motivates you to get moving?      apple weights                      
Thanks for stopping by.

Resources

Physical Activity. (April 2015). Retrieved from http://www.healthypeople.gov/2020/data-search/Search-the-            Data?f%5B%5D=field_topic_area%3A3504&ci=0&se=0&pop=

http://biblehub.com/akjv/1_peter/4.htm

https://www.biblegateway.com/verse/en/Isaiah%2041:10

http://biblehub.com/akjv/isaiah/26.htm

http://www.jokesclean.com/ChristianJokes/HolyOneLiners.php

http://www.guy-sports.com/jokes/clean_religious_jokes.htm

http://www.beliefnet.com/iLoveJesus/Features/Hilarious-Christian-Jokes.aspx?p=6#8SyJPYTfowTjR3eU.99

The Buffet Table

Welcome to the buffet table! I’ll be jumping from one subject to the next, so get your plate and fill it up. The good news: you don’t have to worry about portions, fat, sodium, sugar, GMOs, nor calories.

TOMORROW We’ve all said at one time or another, “I’ll do it tomorrow.” I’ll begin that project tomorrow. I’ll go on a diet tomorrow. I’ll start a savings plan tomorrow. I’ll start getting more sleep tomorrow night. I’ll give my life to Christ tomorrow. I’ll start working on things that God has laid on my heart tomorrow. I’ll get life insurance tomorrow. I’ll start exercising tomorrow. I’ll choose to be happy tomorrow.  Tomorrow came, and you still didn’t do what you said you were going to do. The cemetery is full of the bodies of people who said, “I’ll do it tomorrow”, but tomorrow never came. Books, ideas, songs, inventions, plays, crafts, testimonies never to be shared, and destinies never to be fulfilled have been put in files labeled tomorrow. It’s so easy to put things off for tomorrow. Tomorrow is not promised.

Let your tomorrow begin today!

RESURRECTION DAY You usually don’t hear people talking about Resurrection Day until around Easter. The ultimate resurrection was when Jesus Christ rose from the dead. He died but when He rose, He rose with all power in His hands. His resurrection made it possible for us to have resurrections in our lives. We all go through things. Sometimes the situation looks, feels, and smells so bad that we think it’s dead. Just like God raised Jesus up from the grave, and just like Jesus raised up Lazarus from the grave, He can raise your situation up from the grave also. So when you find yourself in what you are sure is a dead situation, rest assured that your Resurrection day is on the way!

REFLEXOLOGY It is said that a large percentage of disease is stress related. Getting a massage is one way to release stress. There are many more benefits associated with massage therapy including relaxation, increased and improved blood circulation, and increased flexibility. Reflexology is a therapeutic form of foot massage and of course, hand reflexology is a therapeutic form of hand massage. Reflexology may benefit people in the same way massage helps people relax and reduce their stress levels.

Reflexology is based on the belief that each part of the foot is a mirror site for a part of the body. The big toe, for example is considered a reflex area for the head. The heart and chest are around the ball of the foot. The liver, pancreas and kidney are in the arch of the foot. Practitioners believe that certain areas of the hands and feet are linked to other areas and organs of the body. For example, the brain can be helped by putting pressure on the tips of the three largest toes on both feet.

One day while on the computer, I did a search on hand reflexology. I found a web site that allowed me to print out a free 10 step hand reflexology self-treatment. I sat at the computer and did some of the exercises. I can’t begin to describe how good my hands felt. I have two different foot rollers and a porcupine massage ball that I ordered online. I had no idea that my feet and hands could feel so good after using them.

One time I had a pain in my neck. The pain was there for more than a week. I took aspirin. I applied a heating pad. Neither of those things worked. The Holy Spirit brought to my attention my porcupine massage ball. I began to roll one foot and then the other over the ball and immediately the pain began to ease. I did it the next day and the next, and then the pain was totally gone!

Check out reflexology. Visit the library or google it. There are reflexology charts available that show the locations and therapeutic indications of pressure points on the hands and feet. I thank God for letting me discover the benefits of foot and hand reflexology. I use my porcupine ball on a regular basis. I get so busy that I sometimes forget about my foot rollers and hand reflexology techniques. That’s why I like sharing healthy living tips: As I review topics and share them, I get reminded of certain things.

GROWING UP It’s generally thought that wisdom comes with growing older. It does happen with some people, while others become stupider (yes, I had to look it up: stupider or more stupid). I like using stupid because it really gets people’s attention. I’m growing up while growing older. Sounds silly doesn’t it? Life seems backwards. By the time you grow up and begin to figure life out, it’s time to exit.

“I think of life as a good book. The further you get into it, the more it makes sense.” Harold Kushner

I like to think that my life would have turned out much better if I would have had the wisdom I have now, when I was 25. But I don’t dwell on that thought because I can’t go back to when I was 25. I can’t undo what’s already been done. All I can do is learn from the mistakes, stupid decisions, trials, and disappointments because they were instrumental in making me who I am today. Not that I’m all that, but I like to think that I have become a better person. I’m not where I need to be, I’ll be growing up until I die, but I thank God I’m not where I used to be.

“In the trials we’ve faced, something good has happened too: God has fine-tuned us so we are more compassionate, more caring, more loving, more aware of others’ pain.”

I would have never chosen this path for my life, but my strategic, all knowing, loving, Daddy God had other plans. He knew and still knows the best route for my life. After all, it was He who formed me while I was yet in my mother’s womb. He tells me in Jeremiah 1:5a “I knew you before I formed you in the womb; I set you apart for me before you were born” and in Jeremiah 29 verse 11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Now that’s good news!

HUMOR TIME Willing to take a bullet for Jesus? The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered through the rear of the church.

One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.

The one in the middle announced, “Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!”

Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor.

After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit.

The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, “All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service.”

The dog closed his eyes in concentration. This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping. At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally fast, using his paws with dexterity.

They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home (piously, of course). That night they had friends over. They were so proud of their new fundamentalist dog and his major skills, they called the dog and showed off a little. The friends were impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks, as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn’t thought about ‘normal’ tricks. “Well,” they said, “let’s try this out.”

Once more they called out to the dog, and then clearly pronounced the command, “Heel!” Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the man’s forehead, closed his eyes in concentration, and bowed his head.

I hope you leave today – as full as a tick.  laughing happy face with tongue   Bye for now.  Thanks for stopping by.

Resources http://www.christian-jokes.net/Jokes/Church-Jokes/115-willing-to-take-a-bullet-for-Jesus.aspx http://www.christian-jokes.net/Jokes/Bible-Humor/141-The-dog-closed-his-eyes-in-concentration.aspx Jeremiah 1:5 International Standard Version http://biblehub.com/isv/jeremiah/1.htm Jeremiah 29:11-13New International Version (NIV) https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Jeremiah+29%3A11-13&version=NIV Johnson, B. (2006). I Don’t Suffer From Insanity….I Enjoy Every Minute of It! (Mar. 3) Siloam Springs, AR: DaySpring Cards, Inc.

Hold on, it’s not over.

I love plants!  I don’t have a lot of space for them so I only have five.  I try to get plants that are low maintenance because I don’t have the gardener’s touch that my mama had.  I talk to my plants.  Research says it’s good for them.  I have given my plants names:  Tangy, Grapefruit, Sunshine, Blossom, and Rae.

One summer day a few years ago, I decided to try to prune Rae’s leaves cause she was getting too big and I didn’t want to put her in a bigger pot.  Then I had this bright idea to just take some of her leaves out of the pot.  I ended up taking her completely out of the pot, and she kind of fell apart.  I put her back in after removing some of the leaves.  She didn’t like it.  Her leaves started withering one by one.  I was sad to see that she was dying.  I took her outside on the back porch.  She’s an indoor plant but I thought that maybe being outdoors would help.  It didn’t seem to help.  She continued to wither away.  I saw little gnats on her soil.  I placed her in the corner on the back porch and stopped watering her.  I figured it was over.

All her leaves withered and turned brown.  She looked completely dead to me.  My feelings were a little hurt because she had been with me for a long time.  You may be saying, “My goodness, it was only a plant”, yes, but it was my plant.  One day I was getting ready to throw everything out of the pot, I saw something green.  Now remember all the leaves were withered and brown.  I immediately pulled out the brown, withered leaves and there it was: a little green baby leaf.  I asked myself, “How could this possibly be?”

I added some dirt to the pot and left it outside.  I noticed a few days later that she seemed to be doing just fine.  I cleaned up the pot and took it back inside.  Everyday Rae grew a little bigger, and then I saw another leaf.  I smile now every time I look at Rae.  She seems to be doing just fine.  What would have happened had I just dumped everything out of the pot without looking closely at it?  Yes, it was just a plant, but I think God used that plant to remind me and you that, it’s not over until He says it’s over.

Are you on a quest to be fit for the Master’s use?  Have you been on a quest to be fit for the Master’s use and have given up and quit?  Have you been letting healthy living information that you have heard about go in one ear and out the other, thinking that it’s too late to change or improve now?  Well my friend, it’s not too late!

Let me share two examples of when it looked like it was over, but God said it wasn’t.  We read in the 11th chapter of John about three people whom Jesus loved: Mary, Martha and their brother Lazarus.  One day Jesus got the message that Lazarus was sick.  Jesus didn’t go see about him for two days.  Lazarus had died and had been buried by the time Jesus arrived.  Now you’ve got to admit, this was a hopeless situation.  It was indeed over!  When Jesus arrived, they took Him to the tomb where Lazarus was buried.  Jesus took time and spoke to God the Father.  He then cried out with a loud voice, Lazarus, come forth and in the first part of the 44th verse we read: And he that was dead came forth.   God showed everyone that it was not over!

We read in the book of Exodus about the freedom of God’s people from slavery and the beginning of national identity.  Pharaoh had finally let the people go in verse 13, but later had a change of heart.   He took his army and went after them.  They had gotten as far as the Red Sea when they saw Pharaoh and his men.  This situation looked hopeless.  I’m sure they thought it was over.

God said it wasn’t over!  He divided the waters of the Red Sea like a wall in two directions at once (north and south).  The children of Israel went into the midst of the sea upon the dry ground.  The Egyptians pursued and went in after them, like a bunch of fools.  God released the waters once the children of Israel had crossed to the other side.  That was the end of Pharaoh’s army.  They drowned in the Red Sea.  Can’t you just imagine God saying, “Now, it’s over“!

You may be sick in your in your mind, in your body, in your spirit and/or financially.  It may seem like every time you lose five pounds, you gain back eight.  It may seem like trying to live a healthy lifestyle is just too difficult. You may feel like you will never get to where you desire to get to in life.  You may have already said, “Just forget it.”  There have been many times when I have said those words – but God is saying, “It’s not over.”

Job 22:28 reads, “Thou shalt also decree a thing, and it shall be established unto thee: and the light shall shine upon thy ways.”   We want to decree and declare these words:  “It’s not over, it’s not over, it’s not over until God says it’s over.”  Family members may say it’s over.  Circumstances may say it’s over.  You may have said before you read this blog, that it’s over.  My friend, it’s not over until God, the author and finisher of your faith says it’s over!

You can still experience peaceful living if you have a right relationship with God.  You can still learn a way of eating that is simple, balanced, and easy to understand.  You can still make time to do some form of exercise. You can still stop smoking and drinking.  You can still stop speaking negatively.  You can still be delivered from any habit.  You can still have the victory. You can still give your life to Christ and let Him use you.

When I think of Rae, I am reminded that it’s not over until God says it’s over!

A little humor

Jonah and the Whale

One day, a teacher was talking to her first grade class about whales when a little girl had a question.

Little Girl: “Do whales swallow people?”

Teacher: “No, even though they are much bigger than a person, they have throat pleats that filter their food of krill and plankton.

Little Girl: “But Mrs. Thurston says Jonah was swallowed by a whale.”

Teacher getting angry: “Blue whales cannot swallow people.”

Little Girl: “Well, when I get to heaven I’ll just ask Jonah if he was really swallowed by a whale.”

Teacher, still red with anger: “What if Jonah went to hell?”

Little Girl: “Well, then you can ask him.”

Do you want to go to Heaven?

Father Flannagan was diligently trying to win souls for the kingdom of God. One day he had a fine idea. He would go to the local pub to evangelize the local drunks and bar flies. He walks into the pub and notices one of his flock from the local church he preaches in. “John!” he screams, John! do you want to go to heaven!!!! John answered,” Father Flannagan,, why ,,yes! of course I want to go to heaven.”” Then, get over here behind me now,” says the father. “Patrick!, Father Flannagan screams out again.. “Patrick do you want to go to heaven?” Well father,, yes… yes ,, I do. “Then get over here with us now… so Patrick joined the two men..

Father Flannagan spotted anouther and said,, ” you! do you want to go to heaven? The third man paused. No answer! Flannagan again asked the man,” you sir! Do you want to go to heaven!! The man paused again and then shouted,” no!” the Father was dumbstruck and asked the same quesion,, What do you mean you DON’T WANT TO GO TO HEAVEN?? The young man then stated, ” no,,not today ,, it seems as if you’ve got a group to go today and I don’t want to go today!!!!

Bye for now.

Jonah and the Whale            http://www.jokesclean.com/ChristianJokes/

Do you want to go to Heaven?     Submitted by Evelyn  http://www.christian-jokes.net/Jokes/Heaven-and-Hell-Jokes/404-Do-you-want-to-go-to-Heaven.aspx

http://clipartpictures.org/images/stories/flowerclipart/potplants/Plant_in_Pot3_Flower_Clipart_Pictures.png

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